


La Clemenza di Caterina

by Sangerin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Reality, Caitlyn McBride, F/M, Mirror Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-01
Updated: 1999-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-03 04:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the beginning of the whole hellish experience, the Captain had taken him under her wing, in a way - protected him, befriended him. Could he really betray her like that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Clemenza di Caterina

**Author's Note:**

> An 'opera' in two acts, with Prologue and Epilogue
> 
> Acknowledgments to WA Mozart and Pietro Metastasio for the original, and to Rosamund Illing who sang the role of Vitellia (_La Clemenza di Tito_) in Melbourne, May 1999, in a way that reminded me so totally of Kathryn Janeway, and inspired this effort. (Never mind that Chakotay is cast as Vitellia in this version - it wouldn't have worked any other way).. This story takes place in an alternate universe similar to the one in TOS 'Mirror, Mirror', but even more like that in Diane Duane's TNG novel Dark Mirror.

**Prologue**

Kathryn Janeway lay back on the sofa, enjoying the luxury of silken draperies and the mellow feeling that came from the wine she had been drinking. Real wine, not synthehol, or one of Neelix's concoctions. It felt so good to be away from the ship, spending time with someone who she could talk to, and let out all her feelings of fear, inadequacy, all those worries that she couldn't tell to anyone else on the ship.

As she lay there, content, he came and sat behind her. She felt his strong hands against her neck, as he began to massage away all the worries and burdens that lay, figuratively, yet still heavily, on her shoulders. His hands worked their customary magic, and Kathryn began to relax against him.

She felt so comforted, here with him. He was the one person who could banish her doubts about Mark, her worries about the day to day running of the ship, the conflicts between Tom and practically everyone else on the ship, her concerns about her protege, Harry, and...well, and other things.

Here she felt safe, and secure in the knowledge that their relationship would never change, that they would always be good friends.

'Katrin,' he spoke her name in his own way, a way that she found charming. 'Katrin, there is something I must ask you.'

She turned to face him, and saw the worried look on his face. She took both his hands in hers. 'What is it? Surely it isn't anything to deserve that look on your face.'

'I am anxious, that is all. I am uneasy about what your answer will be.'

'Don't worry,' she replied. 'Just ask. We are friends, you and I. You can ask me anything.'

'Well then, it is this. I wish to ask you to marry me.'

'What? Be'e'no, what do you mean?'

'I am sorry, did I ask you wrongly? I have been studying the courtship rituals of your culture extensively.'

'You really mean it, don't you?' Kathryn looked away in confusion. His offer was actually tempting, and that scared her. To stay here, away from all those problems on Voyager, to let them return to the Alpha Quadrant without her; for a moment it actually seemed possible. Never again would she have to face Mark, or... or Chakotay.

 

**Act I scene i**

'Why the hell is she always down there?' Chakotay raged. 'This is her ship. We don't have the time to hang around here any more.' He picked up a small ornament and hurled it against his office wall, only a meter or so from Ensign Kim's head. It smashed into thousands of pieces, which soothed the Commander somewhat, but was quite disconcerting to Kim. The Commander continued to pace up and down the room, muttering under his breath. 'I'm stuck on this damn ship, as her lowly Ex-O, when I ought to be Captain, and she goes traipsing off with that whining little Auterian, instead of getting us home the way she said she would. I'm sick of all these broken promises. She damn well ought to hand command over to me!' His hand reached out for something else to throw, and Kim instinctively ducked. The movement brought the young Ensign to the Commander's attention. 'Well, Ensign?'

Uncertain of what the Commander was asking, and wary of the heavy clay vase in the Commander's hand, Kim weighed his words carefully.

'She certainly does spend a lot of time with him,' Kim said, keeping his eye on the vase. 'And we are using up our energy reserves by remaining in orbit.' The Commander was becoming less tense, and Kim warmed up to the subject, letting out some of his private grievances about the Captain. 'She promised to get us home, and that isn't happening. We need to get going, leave this place and keep heading home, and soon!'

'Then can I take it you would support me, Ensign? If it came to the point of taking over the captaincy?'

Kim hesitated. At the beginning of the whole hellish experience, the Captain had taken him under her wing, in a way - protected him, befriended him. Could he really betray the Captain like that? And yet, things weren't being done in the best possible way, and he wanted to get back to earth, have a real career. A ship stuck on the other side of the Galaxy couldn't exactly be called a fast track to the Admiralty. He clenched one gloved fist, and slammed it into his other hand. The Commander, recognising the gesture, smiled. 'Then I take it you agree?'

'You have my support, Commander.'

'Fine. Dismissed.'

Kim turned and left the room, almost relieved to out of the Commander's presence.

The computer console beeped, and the Commander looked at the message. As he read it, he groaned as though in pain. Cmdr, Be'e'no has proposed that I remain on the planet as his wife. Voyager's departure is to be delayed while I consider my response. J (Capt.)

'Thanks for letting me know, Kathryn,' the Commander growled. He began to pace up and down again, Kim's pledge of loyalty no longer the comfort it had been. As much as he hated being Janeway's lowly Ex-O, the thought that the Captain was even considering staying and... and... marrying an Auterian, even if he was the Premier, was somehow painful to the Commander. On the one hand, if she stayed on Auter, he would become the rightful Captain of this ship, the way he should have been in the first place. However, somehow, he couldn't imagine life without Kathryn at his side - imperious, demanding, and yet, somehow endearing. At that moment, he was forced to acknowledge something that he had been ignoring ever since their disastrous marooning on New Earth. Not only did he want to be the captain, he wanted the Captain. Badly.

The Commander left his office, nodded at Kim, threw a quick 'You have the bridge, Vulcan,' at Tuvok, and entered the Turbolift. He went down to Holodeck 2, and activated an old Khmer 'exercise' program, left behind by Seska. For the next hour, the Commander had the joy of roaming the holographic recreation of Voyager, leading a mutiny, and, in the end, killing the hologram of the Captain. As the woman lay on the deck, her blue eyes turned to him, pleading for him to save her life, he realised how to deal with the situation.

'Chakotay to Kim,' he said.

'Kim here, Commander,' came the reply.

'Kim, there's something very...delicate I want you to do for me. Meet me in my quarters, ten minutes. Make whatever excuse to the Vulcan that you need to. A meeting with me ought to satisfy him. After all, I'm still the First Officer.'

'Acknowledged, Commander.'

The Commander and Kim approached the Commander's quarters from opposite directions, arriving there at the same moment. The Commander hurried the younger man through the door, ordering the computer to place a lock on the quarters.

 

**Act I scene ii**

Kim emerged from the Commander's quarters, pale, but with a determined look on his face. He tapped his communicator. 'Kim to McBride.'

'McBride here. What's up, Harry?'

'I need to talk to you, now, in private.'

'Hey, who are you ordering about? I happen to be your superior.' Kim could hear the hard edge in the woman's voice.

'This comes from the Commander. Special mission.'

'Fine, I'm on my way. My quarters?'

'Suits me. Kim out.' He walked to McBride's quarters, only a short distance from the Commander's, and used his override code to open the door. He went in, replicated two glasses of Scotch, and sat down to wait for McBride.

He didn't have long to wait. She stormed into her quarters to find Kim lying on her couch, an empty glass on the low table in front of him.

'And just what the hell is going on, Harry? Summoning me here in the middle of the shift? You had better have a damn good reason, sonny.'

'I do,' said Kim. 'I'm just not sure what you'll think when I tell.'

'Well, get on with it.' McBride sat down in a chair opposite Kim. 'I've left the Bio-lab unattended, and if the Doc finds out, he'll have me in the Brig.'

'The Commander just ordered me to assassinate the Captain.' When the words sank in, McBride's face lost the expression of impatience, which was replaced by disbelief. She reached for the glass of Scotch that was sitting on the table in front of her. Kim continued his story. 'The Captain just sent him a message saying that the Auterian Premier, or whatever he is, asked her to marry him. The Commander wants the Captain dead. Then he can take over the ship. He always thought he should have been captain anyway.'

'What in hell is the man thinking.' It was more of a statement than a question, but McBride received an answer anyway.

'If he can't have her, no-one can.' The words were stark, and McBride realised that they were true.

'What did you tell him?'

'What do you think I told him? It was an order, Kit. I've got no choice.' Kim sat up, and his expression hardened. 'I owe him. We all do. Smashing that ship of theirs saved our butts back at the array. And I want to get home some day. Janeway keeps diverting the ship; looking at planets, meeting people. You'd think she didn't want to go home. I do. And I'm going to do this.' He pounded his fist into his other hand.

'Fine. The Commander will pay people back when he's in charge. I want to be on the winning side. But Harry,' he looked over at her, 'you'd better be damned careful. If you fail, even generous Janeway will brig you, if she doesn't have you spaced.' She smiled at him, a little greedily. 'And, personally, I prefer my lovers to be alive and... kicking.'

 

**Act I scene iii**

Torres had the bridge. Tuvok was in the Ready Room, summarising the various department reports in preparation for the Captain's return. That, or the hand-over of the captaincy to Chakotay. Torres, despite her usual status as one of the most opinionated crewmembers, hadn't quite worked out what she thought about the possibility of Chakotay as Captain. Sure, he had been the Captain of their little Khmer freighter, until he crashed it into the Kazon ship. And, considering the fact that they had been waging war on at least five different groups, he'd been a good Captain, in comparison to a lot of people in the Khmer. But, even Torres had to admit that the Commander's temper could be fierce, and uncontrollable. He'd spaced four people on one very bad day, when things in engineering had gone terribly wrong. It was only because of their long association, Torres was sure, that she hadn't been thrust out an airlock with the others.

But that long association scared her now; because of the 'Captain's Privilege.' If the Commander became captain, he would be entitled to chose a 'consort' from among the crew. It was a tradition going back to Kirk on the Enterprise, and further. Janeway was considered incredibly strange for not having her own consort, but then, Janeway wasn't typical. Chakotay, on the other hand, was a typical 'man of the Empire.' Torres shuddered. She didn't want to be the woman of a Caeser. She wanted...the sounds and flurry of a shift-change interrupted her thoughts.

Paris exited the turbolift and went to his place at the helm, turning to smile briefly at Torres before accepting the report from the ensign he was replacing. As the Ensign left, Torres comm-unit beeped with a message from the helm. So, do we ask the Captain when she returns? All we need is her permission. I do love you, you know - T

Torres smiled, and sent an answer right back to him. I love you too, Helmboy. When Janeway gets back, we'll talk to her. Then, we can tell everyone else - B'el. The comm beeped again, and Torres was about to tell Paris that enough messages had been sent across the five meters between them, when she noticed that the message was from the planet. Why hadn't Kim mentioned it? 'Ensign!' Torres snapped, then looked back to Kim's station. He was standing there staring at nothing that Torres could see, with a glare on his face. Torres snapped at him again, losing patience. 'Ensign Kim! Wake up!'

'Yes, Sir.' Torres gave the distracted Ensign five seconds to get his bearings, and was about to demand a report when he said, 'Incoming message from the planet, Sir.'

'On viewer.' Finally.

The Captain's face appeared on the viewer, visibly displeased. 'Lieutenant! What the hell took you so long?'

Torres stood up. 'I apologise, Captain.' She shot a sidelong glance at Kim, who was now visibly straining to pay attention. 'We were having some minor, ah, technical difficulties. What can I do for you?'

'Fix up the technical difficulties by the time I return to the ship, Lieutenant. I'll beam up within the hour, and I want Voyager ready to leave the system when I arrive. Understood, Lieutenant?'

'Aye, Sir.' The connection was broken from the planet, and Torres took a deep breath. 'Kim - alert the Commander to developments. I'll begin to check that all departments are ready to leave. Oh, and Kim; stay awake, will you?' Kim left the bridge. 'Torres to Tuvok?'

'Yes, Lieutenant?'

'The Captain has informed us that she will be returning to the ship within the hour. She wishes to be underway as soon as possible after that.'

'Understood, Lieutenant.'

When Tuvok came onto the bridge, Torres continued her work from the Engineering sub-station. Once all departments were notified, she left the bridge. In the turbolift, she finally allowed herself an audible sigh of relief. The Captain was coming back, and the Commander would remain as Ex-O. She and Tom could go on as they had planned, and everything would be fine.

 

**Act I scene iv**

Kim entered the Commander's office tentatively. Why was he always the one who had to give messages to the Commander? 'Sir, we have received a message from the Captain.'

'What?' The other man barely looked up from his desk.

'She will return to the ship within the hour, at which time we are to be ready to leave the system.'

'The Captain is leaving with us?' This time the Commander looked up at Kim.

'Yes, Sir.'

For a moment, an emotion other than anger was visible on the Commander's face. It was something akin to relief, mixed with hope. Then the mask of aggression came back down. 'Good,' was all he said. He made no move to dismiss Kim, who was left standing at attention while the Commander looked back down at the PADDs on his desk. After an uncomfortable minute or so, without looking up from his desk, the Commander said, 'That other matter, Mr Kim - I would appreciate it if you would put any plans in that direction on hold for a while.'

'No action to be taken, Sir?'

'Correct, Ensign. Dismissed.'

Kim edged out of the room. Left alone, the Commander's mask slipped once again. She was coming back to the ship - to him. Perhaps the return to him was not a conscious decision, but he knew that there was an attraction between them that even the Captain couldn't ignore. And someday, whether she liked it or not, she would have to bow to tradition and protocol, and choose a consort. Chakotay leaned back in his chair, a smile on his face. Who could be a better consort for the Captain than her first officer? He could support her, understand the pressure she was under, and get closer to the captaincy at the same time as getting closer to the Captain. Things were looking up; there was hope for him with Janeway, and they would be heading home again. And both of those things made up for the fact that he wouldn't be Captain himself - not yet, anyway.

 

**Act I scene v**

Kathryn beamed back onto Voyager drained by the difficult farewell with Be'e'no. It comforted her to see four of her most trusted officers and friends in the Transporter Room when she materialized. Well, three of her most trusted officers, and Tom. There was still something lurking behind those ice-blue eyes of his that she wasn't quite sure of. It wasn't that she didn't trust him - she trusted him as a friend, just not as an officer. His almost daily fights with, well, with everyone except B'Elanna, attested to the fact that he was, at the least, unstable, at worst, still the playful little boy she had known as a child, unable to fit into routine and discipline on a Warship like Voyager. But, she still had a soft spot for him, as she had for young Harry, who stood between B'Elanna and Tuvok. Harry had grown up amazingly since coming onto this ship, a green young Ensign, who'd run foul of Ben Sisko on DS9, and who she had met when trying to save him from being spaced by Commander Sisko and his Bajoran Major. She had nurtured this young man through the worst of all possible first assignments, and she trusted him completely.

'So,' she asked the group in front of her, 'What has been going on around here lately?'

Harry seemed to turn slightly pale, but answered, 'Nothing out of the ordinary, Sir.'

'Good. Janeway to Bridge?'

'Chakotay here, Captain. Welcome back.' Janeway gulped. Not back on the ship five minutes, and already all the old worries were surfacing.

'Thankyou, Commander. How long until we are ready to get underway?'

'All but one department has reported ready, Sir. We're just waiting for Engineering.'

Janeway turned to B'Elanna, who immediately activated her own commbadge. 'Engineering should be ready and waiting, Commander. Lieutenant Carey is on duty now, I only just left.'

'Very well, Torres. Captain, we'll be underway as soon as you give the order.'

'It is given, Commander. You remain in command until 0800 tomorrow. I'm still on leave until then.' She broke the commlink and looked around at the other four. 'Why don't you all come to my quarters for drinks and gossip. In about an hour, say?'

B'Elanna, Tom and Harry nodded and left the transporter room. Tuvok fell into step beside Kathryn as she left the room, heading for her quarters. Without breaking step, Kathryn said, 'I assume there is something you wish to discuss with me, Commander.

'Yes, Captain. A number of things in fact. But, they would be better discussed in private.'

'Well, we are on the way to my quarters. Will that be private enough for you?'

'That will be satisfactory, Sir.'

'Good. So, how have you been, Tuvok?'

'Such questions are of little relevance to a Vulcan, as you know, Captain.'

'I'm just trying to make small talk until we reach my quarters, Tuvok, as you seem so determined not to mention what it is that you wish to discuss with me.'

'There is no logical need to fill silence with speech, Sir.'

With that, the closest Tuvok would ever come to rebuffing a senior officer, Kathryn lapsed into silence until they arrived at her quarters. She dumped her case by the door to her bedroom, and then replicated two cups of Vulcan tea, giving one to Tuvok. She sat down on her sofa, and looked at her second officer. 'All right, Tuvok, we're here. What did you want to speak to me about?'

'A number of things, Sir.'

'I know that. You told me that less than five minutes ago. Now, get talking.' Kathryn winced at the sound of her own voice. Less than ten minutes back on Voyager, and already her impatience was getting the better of her again. She had to stay calm, level headed, or she'd never survive the trip back to the Alpha Quadrant.

'Sir, firstly, I beg to report that Commander Chakotay's attitude is not improving.' Tuvok recited a litany of complaints against the first officer, winding up with the Ex-O's rudeness to himself. 'Generally, he is surly and...' Tuvok hesitated, 'overly aggressive, even by Starcorps standards. I would request, once more, that you relieve him of duty as First Officer.'

Kathryn sighed. Just what she had hoped to escape. Just what she had almost married Be'e'no simply in order to escape. She looked Tuvok squarely in the face. 'I'll take that under advisement, Tuvok. You will be informed of my decision shortly. Next.'

'Yes. Captain..,' once more the Vulcan hesitated. Kathryn looked at her friend in surprise. He never hesitated at anything. Tuvok visibly took a deep breath, and continued. 'It is about the custom of consort, Sir. It is necessary, for your own health and sanity, that you uphold this custom. The EMH has flagged this issue in your medical reports as one for my notice.'

'What business is it of that computer whether I have a sex life? What business is it of yours?' Her voice rose with every word. She shut her eyes, and took her own deep breath, then continued. This time her words were measured, her tone firm. 'It is an ancient custom, Tuvok. One that is certainly not appropriate to our situation.'

'With all due respect, Captain, it is more than usually appropriate to our situation. I usually find this particular tradition to be repugnant, although I would never inform Command of that attitude. However, in our situation, where we may be stranded in this Quadrant for a long period of time, I would recommend your upholding it.' Kathryn was quickly reaching boiling point - her temper was renowned in the Alpha Quadrant as one of the shortest tempers in the Starcorps. She opened her mouth, about to blow all her frustration out on Tuvok, but something in his face silenced her. He continued. 'When in the Alpha Quadrant, there are non-Starcorps personnel in the vicinity - your fiance Mark, for example. Here, you are in command of all the people on this ship. There is no-one here who knows you as anything else than 'Captain Janeway'. Any more...conventional...relationship would be impossible under the typical protocols that the rest of us are bound by. However, the captain's privilege is a way to avoid this. And, although I know you do not wish to hear this, I must say that to go for long periods without sexual relations is not considered to be healthy for humans.' Tuvok stopped.

Kathryn tried very hard not to yell at her friend. And, in fact, she didn't yell. Her voice dropped to a fierce whisper. 'Get out of here, Commander. Now.' To Tuvok's credit, he didn't even raise an eyebrow, but just turned and walked out the door. He hadn't even sat down, Kathryn realised. Through the entire encounter, he had remained standing; had drunk his tea while standing. The empty cup was on the table by the door. Kathryn thought about getting up to replicate something else to drink, but realised that Tom and B'Elanna, at least, would be arriving in less than an hour for drinks. She could wait until then for 'something a little stronger.'

She leaned back and shut her eyes, thinking about what Tuvok had said to her. He thought the old tradition as repugnant as she did, thank goodness. If he had approved of it, she felt she could never have looked him in the face again. But even he thought that taking a consort was necessary. And the EMH - that damned computer program, the only major concession they had been forced to take since being stranded out here. They still had replicators, they still had almost a full crew compliment, thanks to the integration of the Khmer crewmembers. But they had lost their doctor, and had to put up with the arrogant, nosy EMH. An EMH that took it upon itself to pry into the Captain's sex life. Or the lack of it, she had to acknowledge. Be'e'no was a friend, but no more than that. And since New Earth there had been no-one in her life, not in the way that Tuvok meant. So, why should she go back on her principles, just because a computer, her second officer, and half the Admiralty of Starcorps thought she should?

Because of that 'lack' of a sex life, she admitted. How much longer would they be stranded out here? She was trying to get them home, but there was only so much that could be done. They had to pursue diplomatic relations, otherwise Voyager would never get home - they would be killed by slighted aliens instead. And could she go the entire time without... without being held, comforted, kissed,... Maybe the consort idea wasn't quite so bad, after all.

She pulled her feet up underneath her, and sat curled on the sofa. She had refused Be'e'no's proposal. She could remember making the decision. It had been less than three hours ago. Now she sat, reminding herself of the reasons. Reminding herself of why she had come back. It was for the good of the ship, of course, she told herself sternly. For the good of the ship, and because...because nothing! She would not let her mind go wandering off in that direction. She had refused Be'e'no for the simple reason that she saw him as no more than a friend, and because she was loathe to leave the ship in Chakotay's hands.

And now, instead of arrying Be'en'o, she would bow to the wishes of Tuvok, the EMH, and absent Starcorps Admiralty, and take a consort. But she couldn't just 'order' someone to become her consort. That would be inhuman. She would have to request it of someone - but who? Harry was a child, and Tuvok was bonded. Chakotay... she shied away from the idea. And what if whoever she asked refused her? She would be humiliated. For a moment or two she considered going back on her decision. Then she thought of all the long, lonely nights between then and the Alpha Quadrant. And she thought of Tom. In a way, the thought was as awful to her as the thought of Harry as her consort. She had known Tom as a child, when she had already been grown. But... he was a good friend, and unlike Harry and Tuvok, she knew of no connections between Tom and anyone else. The boy was playing the field, as far as she knew. He was good looking, too, she acknowledged. And, they did have a history. She thought for a moment of her alien offspring, her's and Tom's, back on a planet light years behind them. If she did go through with this, she would ask Tom. Ask him, not order him. That, she could not do.

 

**Act I scene vi**

'Hurry up, B'el, I don't want to be late!' Tom stood by the door, waiting for B'Elanna to finish her primping.

'We won't be late, Tom,' came her answer, 'and even if we were, the Captain won't space us for that. It's only a social gathering. Friends, Tom! You remember what those are?'

'Yes, you.' He grabbed her around the waist as she stood brushing her hair.

She looked at him in the mirror. 'Only a friend, am I?'

'Maybe a bit more than that.' He bent his head to hers.

'Uh-uh, helmboy. We've got drinks to get to.' She wriggled out of his arms, and walked towards the door. She looked over her shoulder and saw his dejected face. 'Maybe later.'

He brightened, and followed her to the door. 'I hope this 'do' doesn't last too long.'

'Cheeky!' She smiled. 'It's only five people, after all. The Captain just wants to fill us in on what happened on Auter.'

'And why she's back here at all.'

'Aren't you glad she's back, Tom? I sure am.'

'I know you are, B'el. And I'm glad, too, for myself. But I just hope that she did the right thing for herself. I'd do anything for her, and you know it. I want her to be happy.'

'I'm sure she is. Now, we're here. Shut up, and be a good boy.'

'I always am.' He leaned past her, and pressed the door chime.

'Tom, B'Elanna! Come in.' The Captain greeted them at the door, looking far brighter than she had on the transporter pad. 'You're early.' Tom saw the pointed glance B'Elanna sent his way, as did the Captain. 'So, he's been agitating, has he?' B'Elanna nodded. 'He's good at that. Never wants to be late for anything. Anything except classes, and duty, that is.' The two women laughed, and Tom began to feel outnumbered. 'Now, what would you two like to drink?' The Captain settled the two of them with glasses of red wine, and they sat down. 'So, B'Elanna, how have you been lately?'

He could see B'Elanna take a visible breath. She certainly wasn't wasting any time.

'Quite well, thank you, Captain. Actually, there was something Tom and I wanted to discuss with you.'

The captain raised an eyebrow, but whatever she had been about to say was interrupted by the door chime. 'Come in.'

The doors opened, and Tuvok stood outside. Tom stifled a groan. The Vulcan's timing was just too perfect. But, he seemed to be hesitating, something Tom had never seen before. The Captain walked over to him. 'You are welcome to come in, Tuvok. What would you like to drink?' She turned to the replicator.

'Whatever the majority are having is fine with me.' He didn't sound hesitant, but he sure as hell looked it.

While the Captain replicated some more wine, Tom whispered to B'Elanna, 'Have you ever seen Tuvok look that uncomfortable before?'

'Never,' she replied, as they both watched the couple by the replicator. The Captain was speaking softly to Tuvok, and he nodded in reply. When he turned towards Tom and B'Elanna, he looked far more like his usual, placid self. He and the Captain came over to where they were sitting, and the Captain sat down next to Tom, indicating the seat between him and B'Elanna to Tuvok. Tom could see that she was orchestrating things her own way, and wondered why. Tuvok began to question B'Elanna on some engineering matters, while Tom was left to talk to the Captain. They sat chatting pleasantly, for a few minutes, until Kim arrived. Even then, the Captain seemed to be in no hurry to tell them all about Auter, but continued her reminiscences with Tom until Kim was forced to join the other conversation. Then the Captain said to Tom, her voice unnaturally bright, 'There's a photo I'd like to show you. Come over here and look at my album.' She got up and walked over to a small table on the other side of the room. With a confused glance at B'Elanna, Tom got up and followed the Captain. She took one seat by the table, holding a book on her lap. Tom was about to sit down opposite her, when she indicated the seat next to her. He sat.

'I'm sorry, Tom, but I wanted to talk to you by yourself. I was hoping you would be early, but you arrived with Torres and I wasn't able to talk to you alone.'

'Captain?' Tom was puzzled.

The Captain spoke more as though to herself than to him. 'This is difficult, Tom. It is a difficult thing to ask of you.' Tom had never seen her quite this nervous. First Tuvok, now the Captain. What was going on? 'Tuvok has been...no, that's not the way to tell you.'

'Captain, you are making me nervous,' ventured Tom.

'I'm sorry, Tom.' She gestured as though she would pat him on the arm, but stopped. 'I've decided to accept the traditions of the Starcorps, and to take a consort. Now, this is a request, not an order, but I want to ask whether you would be willing to be my consort.'

Tom sat stunned, unsure of how to reply. He realised that he was finding it hard to breathe, and took a few deep breaths. 'Captain..., could you give me some time to think about this?'

'Of course, Tom. It's a shock to you, isn't it? I asked you because, well, we've known each other a long time, Tom. And, we do have some children back on that planet....' She smiled warily at him. His smile in reply wavered even more than hers.

He saw B'Elanna get up from her seat on the other side of the room, and walk across to them. She sat down on the other side of the table. 'Has Tom been explaining what we wanted to talk to you about, Captain?' asked B'Elanna, smiling.

'No, we were...discussing something else. What is it, B'Elanna?'

Tom knew what was coming. He had no idea how the Captain would react, especially considering what she had just asked him. He sat silently and waited.

'Tom and I, well, we've been getting quite close over the last few months. We wanted to ask your permission to be officially considered a couple.' The Captain blanched visibly. 'I hate asking this, but it's regulations. You have to give your approval.'

'I realise that, B'Elanna.' The Captain paused, then turned to Tom. 'Tom, I am so sorry. If I'd known, I'd never have asked you. Consider that request to never have been made.'

'What request?' asked B'Elanna.

'Tom will explain that to you later. Now, about an announcement - I know you hate the idea, B'Elanna, but, as you said, it's regulations. I'm not back on duty until tomorrow morning, so, I'll mention it in my shipwide briefing at the end of shift tomorrow. Is that all right with you?'

Tom nodded mutely. B'Elanna, for the first time noticing how quiet he was, answered 'Yes, Captain. That sounds fine.'

'Good. Now,' she said, standing up and raising her voice for the others to hear, 'you all wanted to know what happened down on Auter.'

 

**Act I scene vii**

The door chime to Chakotay's quarters rang insistently.

'What is it?' he called, without opening the door.

'Sir, it's Ensign Kim,' came the reply. 'Something has happened that I think you may want to know about.'

Grumbling, Chakotay disengaged the lock, and let Kim in. 'What is it? I was about to go to bed.'

'I was just with the Captain, she had a group of us come for drinks.'

'Yes? In a nutshell, Kim.'

'The Captain has decided to take a consort. Paris.' Chakotay's eyes, which had lit up for a moment, darkened at the mention of the helmsman.

'You're sure of this?' Chakotay began to pace along in front of the viewports, scowling.

'I left with Paris and Torres, but I was walking a little way behind them. I heard Paris telling Torres that the Captain had said she was going to take a consort, and that it was going to be him. I thought you'd want to know, so I came straight here.'

Rather than thank Kim, Chakotay jerked his head towards the replicator. 'Get yourself something to drink.'

'Thanks.' He ordered up another Scotch.

'There's no possibility that you misunderstood?'

'I'm telling you what I heard, Commander.'

A consort, but not him. This beat everything else the woman had done yet. It should have been him. And now, instead, it would be that gangly, treacherous helmboy who would share his woman's bed. Chakotay thought of his earlier request to Kim. He stopped pacing, and stared out the viewport, his back to Kim. 'How far had your plans progressed?'

In the reflection of the viewport, he saw Kim's head snap up in surprise. 'Plans? You mean for the Captain?'

'Yes.' He could see Kim hesitate. The boy did that a lot.

'It was planned. Ready to put into action.'

'All right.' Chakotay turned around to face Kim, his arms crossed. 'Execute the plan. Tonight. Dismissed.'

Kim drew himself up, and came close to clicking his heels. 'Aye, sir.' He turned and left the room. Chakotay turned back to the viewport.

He'd done it again. For the second time in one day, he'd given an order to kill the Captain - this woman who had managed to worm her way into his heart, despite the fact that she had everything he wanted. For it was his heart, and not just his hormones, that he was reacting to. Damn the woman! He punched the bulkhead by the viewport. Damn the woman! To take a consort, wasn't that what he had wanted her to do? But not that babyfaced helmboy. This wasn't what he wanted. He had wanted her. But now, he wanted her dead. Then, he would kill the helmboy, and with the greatest of pleasure. Though he couldn't kill her, he would kill the traitor that had taken her from him. And the boy would suffer.

Chakotay swung again at the bulkhead, realising when he connected just how tough the Starcorps had built these ships. His hand throbbed. New Earth. The last time he had punched something this hard. The shelter, after she had run away. After he had...had...tried too hard, gone too far.

There had been a connection between them, they had both felt it, and both had denied it, until, one night, he had kissed her. Nothing was said by either of them. He had just walked up to her, and kissed her. Roughly, almost violently. Thinking of what he was getting, rather than of what he could give. For a moment, a microsecond, she had acquiesced. Then she began to fight. She had pushed him away, a kind of terror in her eyes, and run away, out into a plasma storm. The storms that happened so often on that planet. And he had stayed in the shelter, kicking the furniture and punching the walls, and getting drunk.

The next day, she had reappeared, covered in cuts and bruises from her night in the storm. The sight of her so injured had stunned him, and he had tried to help her. He had fought against his violent instincts as much as he could - tried to be gentle and caring. But she shied away from him, as she had ever since. Damn the woman!

He stopped himself before he punched the bulkhead once again, and instead kicked a light-framed chair across the room. It landed with a crash by the door as the chime sounded.

'What the hell is it now?' he yelled.

The door opened. Tuvok stood on the other side, holding a PADD in front of him, almost as though for protection.

'What do you want, Vulcan?' asked Chakotay, with a sneer.

'For myself, some respect, Commander. My name is Tuvok, and my rank is Lieutenant Commander if you would trouble yourself to remember the fact. But I bring a message from the Captain for your approval.'

'For my approval? That never happens.'

'She asks that you read it, Commander.'

'Fine.' He took the PADD and sat down. 'Was there something else?' he asked Tuvok.

'The Captain requested that I remain while you read the message. It may require some explanation.'

Chakotay shrugged, then began to read. I, Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Warship Voyager, hereby make it known to those who serve under my command that I have taken a consort, according to the traditions of Earth and the Starcorps.

Chakotay stopped. 'She doesn't need my approval for this! What the hell is she doing to me?'

Tuvok raised an eyebrow at the outburst. 'Please, Commander. Read the entire message.'

I name that consort to be Chakotay, rank of Commander, and First Officer of this vessel.

His heart leapt, and then sank. The same reaction of less than an hour before, but a far more unsettling feeling.

This time, she had chosen him. Him, not helmboy Paris. She had chosen him as consort, to sit by his Captain's side in the day, lie at her side at night. And he had ordered Kim to kill her. 'Excuse me, Commander,' he said to Tuvok, and rushed into his bedroom, hitting his commbadge as he went. 'Chakotay to Kim. Chakotay to Kim. Where the hell are you, Ensign?'

Finally a voice answered his hails. But it wasn't Kim.

'EMH to Commander Chakotay. This is an emergency message to Commander Chakotay.'

'Chakotay here. Report.'

'I have been activated in holodeck one, Sir. My patient is the Captain. She appears to be dead, Sir.'

 

_~ Intermission ~_

 

**Act II scene i**

B'Elanna arrived at Holodeck one and was aghast to see the body of the Captain lying on the floor, the EMH standing over her.

'No, it can't be true! It can't.' She rushed to the Captain's side, knelt down and took her hand.

The EMH glared at her. 'I am performing an examination, Lieutenant. Stay away from the patient.'

B'Elanna felt two hands on her shoulders. She stood, and let Tom draw her away. They stood together, watching the EMH work methodically. The doors opened and Commander Chakotay stormed in. Tuvok followed him, and had to side-step to avoid knocking the other man over. Chakotay had stopped still in the doorway, looking down at the Captain. For a moment there was silence. Then he exploded, 'Why is she still here? Get her to sickbay. Now!' Almost without pausing, he called for transport, and re-routed the EMH to sickbay. As the transport beam took hold of the Captain and the Commander, Tuvok, Tom and B'Elanna rushed out of the Holodeck and headed towards the sickbay.

When they arrived, it was Caitlyn McBride who lay on the biobed, the EMH hovering over her. The Captain was nowhere to be seen, and the Commander was at a computer terminal.

'Where's the Captain? I don't understand,' said Tom.

Before any answer could be given, Harry came into sickbay. He looked casually towards the biobed, and then blanched when he realised who it was. B'Elanna couldn't recall ever having seen anyone move faster as he raced to her side. 'What happened? What's wrong with her?'

The Commander answered him. 'She's dead, Harry.' He never lifted his face from the computer console he was studying.

'That is incorrect, Sir,' said the EMH. 'She has been wounded severely by a phaser, but she will survive.'

B'Elanna was losing patience. 'But where's the Captain? What's happened to her?'

'This is the Captain.'

'Look, you, this isn't the Captain. It's McBride. Where the hell is the Captain?' Only Tom's restraining arm kept B'Elanna from hitting out at the EMH. That and the knowledge that physical force wouldn't do anything to the simulation anyway.

'Lieutenant McBride was employing a form of holographic cloak whilst she was in the Holodeck. It was not disengaged upon her being injured. She appeared to be the Captain.'

'But, you said she was dead, and now she isn't. Couldn't you tell that before? Isn't the difference between life and death rather obvious?'

'I'm a computer program, not a doctor.'

'That's no answer.'

Tuvok cut into the argument. 'I believe that the EMH capabilities will need to be reviewed, Lieutenant. Are you willing to undertake that task?'

'You bet I am,' she replied, almost growling. No one would recognise the annoying excuse for a doctor when she'd finished with it. She was advancing toward a spare computer terminal to begin working when she heard Kim sob. He was standing next to McBride, tears on his cheeks. 'Hey, Starcorps, it's all right. She'll be all right.'

'But it's my fault, B'El. It's my fault.'

'Don't be silly, Harry. You would never shoot Caitlyn. It isn't your fault.' She was about to continue when the doors to sickbay slid open again.

'So this is where my entire command crew is? Mr Tuvok - aren't you supposed to be on the bridge?'

It was the Captain.

 

**Act II scene ii**

Everything had gone horribly wrong. He knew that, now, as he stood by Caitlyn's side in the sickbay, waiting for her to wake up. Tuvok would find everything out; how he had shot Caitlyn, thinking she was the Captain. How he had wanted to kill the Captain, planned to kill the Captain, tried to kill the Captain. And then, he would be dead. That much was obvious.

Only that was obvious. Everything else seemed to be a bizarre nightmare. He had gone back to the Captain's quarters after Chakotay had given the order. He had watched the Captain's door, waiting for her to leave. She emerged, he was surprised to see, clad in her uniform, though she wasn't on duty until the next morning. He had followed her to Tuvok's quarters and waited.

It was had been late when she finally left Tuvok's quarters. Very late. Tuvok left at the same time, a PADD in his hand. The Captain had kept walking around the ship, and then, for a moment, he had lost her. Then, passing the holodeck, he looked through the closing doors, and saw her. He had walked in, and shot, and then got the hell out of there and into a Jeffries Tube. He had been so sure that it was the Captain he had shot, but it had been Caitlyn. While he lived, however many hours that were left to him, he would regret what he had done - everything he had done; plotting against the Captain, as well as making the mistake.

He heard the doors slide open behind him. 'Ensign Kim?'

'Sir!' He turned quickly to face Chakotay.

For a moment, the Commander ignored him, checking with the computer as to the status of the EMH. When he was informed that the program was entirely off-line, not even monitoring the sickbay, he turned back to Kim. 'You're telling no-one.'

'Aye, sir. I understand.'

'How's McBride?'

'No change, sir. She's still unconscious.'

For a moment, Chakotay stood in thought, looking down at McBride. Then he spoke, softly. 'In a way, I suppose, things have worked out for the best. I was trying to stop you when the call came through from the EMH. I'm…' he hesitated, '…sorry… that McBride got hurt in all of this.' Without letting Kim reply, the Commander left. Kim was left in Sickbay, stunned. He had never known the Commander to apologise, and now he had. Perhaps the man had some heart, after all.

Only a few moments later, the doors opened again, this time, admitting B'Elanna. She went straight to the other side of the biobed, then looked up at Kim. 'Any change?'

'None.'

'Starcorps, come over here for a minute.' She guided him to the chairs in the little-used office off the sickbay. 'I want to know why you think that what happened to Caitlyn is your fault.'

Startled, he tried to laugh off her comment. 'Oh, don't mind me, Torres. I was just in shock, that's all.'

She stared at him, searching his face. 'Come off it, Harry. I know you better tan that. You haven't been yourself for two days, at least. Now tell me what's going on.' Her voice was friendly, but there was no mistaking that she wanted an answer. Kim had the fleeting thought that she would make a damn fine Captain, if they ever needed a replacement. But that thought was followed by the one that they almost had needed a replacement, because of him. But B'Elanna was getting impatient.

'B'el, I don't know how to explain. I've done some really stupid things.' He couldn't meet her eyes, and he didn't know how, or how much, to explain. You're telling no-one, kept echoing through his head. 'I was the one who shot Caitlyn.'

'What!! But she's…you…what?'

'Yeah.'

'Okay…so, why?'

'That, I can't explain.'

'So, it was an accident.'

'Yeah…yes.'

B'Elanna narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. She didn't believe him, he could tell. Sooner or later she would remember that Caitlyn had looked like the Captain, and B'Elanna would work it all out.

A sound from the biobed startled them both. They rushed across the room.

'Caitlyn?' asked B'Elanna, who reached McBride first.

''Lana? Where's Harry?'

'I'm here, Kit. I'm so sorry.'

'What for?'

But Harry couldn't answer her. B'Elanna activated the EMH, and both she and Kim headed back into the office to avoid the acerbic computer program while it examined McBride. Before they could get there, Tuvok and a security detail came into the sickbay.

'Ensign Kim, could we have a word outside, please?'

This was it, and Kim knew it. He turned to B'Elanna and said in a low voice, 'Stay with Caitlyn for me, B'el, please?'

'Sure.'

He followed Tuvok into the corridor.

'Ensign, my investigation has revealed that the phaser with which Lieutenant McBride was shot was assigned to you. The only DNA traces we could recover were yours. I am hereby arresting you for the assault of Lieutenant McBride, the attempted murder of Captain Janeway, and therefore, also treason and mutiny.' The security officers took hold of Kim's arms. 'You will be escorted to the brig.'

 

**Act II scene iii**

Tuvok went directly to the briefing room. Putting Ensign Kim in the brig would not be a pleasant memory in the future, he decided. To see a young man, inexperienced and undisciplined as he may have been, throw his life away like that, was not an experience that Tuvok wished to have. But, the young man was guilty of attempted murder, of mutiny, and of treason. And those who committed crimes must be made to pay for them.

In the briefing room he found the Captain, Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Paris. Both men were acting very protectively towards the Captain, who still looked shaken. Paris had been the one to tell her of McBride's injuries, and that they had, for ten or fifteen dreadful minutes, thought that she herself had been killed. Chakotay, though he had been pronounced consort, was hanging back a little. He knew that he had been something of a reluctant choice on the part of the Captain.

'Lieutenant Torres will not be joining us,' said the Captain, as soon as Tuvok had taken his seat. 'Lieutenant McBride has regained consciousness, and Torres is staying with her at the present time. There are a number of things that need to be explained to Caitlyn. Torres will do some of that, I will go to her myself after this meeting.'

Paris had a characteristic glower on his face, which he directed at Tuvok. 'Yeah, well someone had better explain why her partner is in the brig.'

The Captain turned to face Paris. 'What are you talking about, Lieutenant?'

'Ask Lieutenant Commander Tuvok.'

The Captain swivelled her chair once again, and sent a questioning look towards him. He began his report. 'Ensign Kim has been confined to the brig on the charges of assault, attempted murder, mutiny, and treason.' It was beginning to sound like a mantra to him. 'Evidence taken from the phaser left at the scene confirms that Kim is the only possible perpetrator. The fact that Lieutenant McBride was testing a personal cloak at the time, altering her appearance so as to appear to be you, Captain, leads to the conclusion that what actually occurred was an attempt on your life, not hers. Under Starcorps procedure, he awaits only your decision on punishment. As you are aware Captain, the penalty for both mutiny and treason, is death.'

The Captain paled for a moment. He had known that she wouldn't like it. But he didn't expect her stubborn response.

'No.'

'Captain?'

'Harry cannot be responsible for this. I know him far too well. He wouldn't do that.'

'I regret to inform you that he did, Captain.'

'Then he did not do it willingly.'

'In such cases, as you know, intent is of little relevance to the law.'

'That, Tuvok, is the downfall of the Starcorps legal system.'

'With respect, Captain, we are still members of the Corps. All of us are, by proxy, even the former Khmer members. That was your decision.'

'I know that. But we are over 60,000 light years from HQ - we don't know if we'll ever get back. Should we really let ourselves be dictated to by the Starcorps? What's wrong with improvising, and, in the process, improving some of the corps' outdated and unjust policies?'

The report was turning into a fully-fledged and repetitive argument, and the Captain had benefit of rank. So, Tuvok steered the conversation back. 'The reality of the situation is, Captain, that Mr Kim has been arrested for this crime. Crimes, in fact. He must be dealt with in some way.'

'I want to talk to him, Tuvok,' replied the Captain. 'Here, in private. Not down in the brig. You'll arrange that for me?'

'Aye, Sir.' The argument was, for the moment, over.

'Now,' continued the Captain, 'we can turn to happier things. Tom; I'm planning two announcements for my shipwide briefing in twenty minutes. One is the announcement of yours and B'Elanna's relationship, and the other is of Chakotay's acceptance of the, well…post, shall we say, of my consort. You do accept, don't you, Commander?' The Captain turned to Chakotay with a smile. Tuvok would almost say that it was an unnatural smile, that the Captain was uncomfortable. But there was no mistaking the nature of Chakotay's answering smile. Tuvok had never seen the former-Khmer looking more honest, nor happier.

'Of course I accept the post, Captain.'

'Thank you, Chakotay. Well, I believe that is all for today. Tuvok, bring Mr Kim to my ready room before the end of the shift.'

'Aye, Sir.' The officers left the briefing room, and went their separate ways; the Captain to her ready room, Commander Chakotay to his chair on the bridge, and Paris to the helm. Tuvok looked around the bridge for a moment before heading to the turbolift. Despite everything, this ship was a Starcorps ship. And he wanted to keep it that way.

 

**Act II scene iv**

When B'Elanna burst into the room, Kim was lying on the narrow bunk of his cell.

'What's going on, Harry? Why are you down here?'

'You'll find out soon enough.' He felt strangely calm, considering that he was certain to die, and soon. The thought really didn't bother him all that much. He'd had the time to get used to it. But he wasn't expecting the next thing that B'Elanna said.

'This is something to do with Caitlyn, isn't it.' She stopped, and began pacing outside the cell. Turning to the security officer, she told her to leave. 'Just stand outside the door, okay?' That command tone was back in her voice, Kim noticed. So did the security officer. When the woman had left, B'Elanna grabbed a stool and sat in front of the force field. 'I can't lower it, Harry. She'd know if I did.'

'I know that.'

'Now, this time, Harry, I'm going to talk. I've been thinking about what you said �" that shooting Caitlyn was an accident. I don't quite believe that, Harry. You can't 'accidentally' shoot someone as badly as Caitlyn was shot. But you shooting Caitlyn makes no sense at all. You two are practically inseparable. Then I remembered that Caitlyn didn't look like Caitlyn when she was shot. She looked like Janeway.' B'Elanna stopped speaking for a moment. Harry looked up at her quickly, then looked away again. 'Harry, please tell me I'm wrong. You didn't try to kill the Captain, did you?'

Harry could feel his face hardening into his characteristic glare. In a way, it was the only way to cope �" to become bitter, and hard, the way he had dealt with Chakotay's original order. That was the way that he had coped, ever since they had come out here. Only Caitlyn and B'Elanna had been able to break through that veneer. Caitlyn, B'Elanna, and the Captain.

But B'Elanna was still studying him. So he answered her. 'Yes. I was trying to shoot Janeway.'

'But why, Harry? She's done so much for you. For all of us.'

'Because I was ordered to. And because I was frustrated with her.'

'Ordered to? Who on earth would…?'

'I can't tell you that, B'Elanna. I won't. I've told you too much already.'

'All right then. I won't ask. But you said you were frustrated with Janeway. Why?' As Harry turned away from her, she kept talking. 'Harry, you're my friend. I want to understand why you would do something like this to Janeway. She's always been so good to you.'

'I want to get home, B'el. Just like everyone else on this damned ship. I want to have a life, not just go on, day after day, out here. And when we stayed at Auter for so long, I just got fed up. We detour so often, we explore so much. We go so far out of the direct route home. So…when I was ordered to kill Janeway, I didn't mind as much. At least, with another Captain, we would get home.'

'You can't guarantee that, Harry.'

'Chakotay would.'

'What's Chakotay got to do with this?' B'Elanna asked suspiciously.

'Nothing. But if the Captain had died, he would have taken over, and we would have gotten home.'

'Why can't you consider Voyager your home? I do, Tom does. And it isn't as though you are wanting to get home to anyone. Caitlyn is here with you.'

'The point is moot, now, B'el. I'm not going to be alive long enough to worry about where 'home' is.'

As if in confirmation of this fact, the doors opened and Tuvok walked in, followed by the security officer, with a sheepish look on her face. She had probably been reprimanded severely for abandoning her post. Torres stood up, and Tuvok walked past her to lower the forcefield.

'Ensign Kim,' he said. 'Your presence is requested by Captain Janeway.' Tuvok turned and looked at Torres. 'If you are not with Lieutenant McBride, I believe that you are required in Engineering, Lieutenant.'

'Goodbye, Harry,' said Torres, and left.

Harry got up from the bunk, and tried to tidy himself up a little. Then he stepped out of the cell, and followed Tuvok through the corridors and up to the Bridge. He was escorted into the readyroom, where Janeway was waiting. She dismissed Tuvok, and then sat down on the sofa under the viewport.

'Sit down, Harry. I want to talk to you.'

'Aye, sir.'

'At ease before you strain something, Harry.' The same thing she had said to him on his first day on the ship. He almost smiled at the memory. But he knew what was coming.

'You know what the Commander is charging you with?'

'Yes, Captain. I do.'

'Do you have anything you want to say about it?'

'No, Captain. Nothing except that I'm very sorry.'

'Harry, I've known you for years now. Why did you do this? I just don't understand any of this.'

'I'm very sorry that this happened, Captain. I regret my actions, and I regret that they led to the injury of Lieutenant McBride.'

'I'll bet you do. Harry,' the Captain almost pleaded, 'I'm speaking to you as a friend. Not as your Captain. Please, tell me why you did this.'

'I cannot.'

'You can't, or you won't?'

'I cannot tell you.'

The Captain sighed, and then shrugged. 'If you can't tell me, Ensign, I can't help you. Commander Tuvok is insistent that the death penalty be applied.'

'I understand, Captain. But I cannot tell you.'

'Damn it, Harry!' Her temper had snapped, and she was yelling. 'I don't want this to be happening. But I can't deny the fact that you made an attempt on my life. And you won't even help yourself!' She stopped and took a deep breath. 'The Harry Kim that I know wouldn't do something like that. You acted at someone else's behest, Harry. I truly believe that. And I want them, and not you, to pay for what happened.'

Kim was in turmoil. He couldn't betray Commander Chakotay �" if he did, he wouldn't be around long enough to enjoy the freedom to be bought. But the sight of his mentor, desperate to forgive him, made him consider the option. He only considered it for a moment, however. Whichever decision he made, he would end up dead. But, if he took the secret of Chakotay's involvement with him, nothing would happen to anyone else as a result. If he betrayed the Commander, Caitlyn could also be in danger, despite Chakotay's earlier concern. So, he held the stony countenance, and faced the Captain.

'There was no-one else involved, Captain. I acted at my own behest, and at no-one else's. I am the only person at fault in this situation, and I will accept whatever punishment is decided.'

'You know that I could order you to be killed.'

'I do, Captain.'

'And you insist that there was no-one else involved �" at any stage, in any capacity?'

'That is correct, Captain. The fault is mine alone.'

The Captain stood and looked out the viewport as she summoned the security detail. 'Take Mr Kim back to the brig.' She never looked at him as he left the room, but stood staring out into space.

 

**Act II scene v**

Kathryn couldn't look at Kim as he left - she didn't want to see the eyes that had met hers so easily, so honestly, for so long. And now he said that he, and he alone, was responsible for an assassination attempt, an attempted murder, an attempted mutiny. Could she really believe what he said? All Kathryn's knowledge of the young Ensign led her to believe that someone else had been behind the attack.

She didn't want to believe that it had been anything other than an accident, but Tuvok had convinced her, eventually, that it had truly been an attempt on her life. But Harry? Innocent, grumpy Harry, who had become less innocent, and less grumpy, since Voyager had been stranded out here in the Delta Quadrant. Caitlyn McBride had influenced him greatly, Kathryn thought. And now she was lying in Sickbay, when someone had wanted to kill Kathryn instead. Poor Caitlyn. No-one in Starcorps was exactly placid, but compared to some, McBride was sweet, and considerate. Compared to Chakotay, McBride was a perfect angel of goodness.

Chakotay. Her new Consort. Why had she made that decision? It would have been so much easier to just tell Tuvok that she wouldn't take a consort. Tuvok hadn't known officially of her decision until she had sent him to tell Chakotay. Of course, he had known �" Tuvok didn't let anything past him �" but it hadn't been official. She could have retracted. So why hadn't she?

Kathryn sat down. It was a question she had asked herself over and over. Why? And the only answer she could come up with was that no matter how vehemently she denied it, there was some sort of attraction between them.

She had run from him on New Earth. But she had so very nearly stayed. Since then, at night, her mind would drift to the memory of that kiss, and sometimes she would regret running from him. And in some ways, making him her consort was the ideal solution. She could have Chakotay, be with him, and yet still be in control of the situation. She would always have the benefit of being his commanding Officer, and because 'consort' was a role dictated by the Starcorps, she never had to act without a rulebook �" it was there, and it said that even with a consort �" especially with a consort �" what she said, went.

Kathryn gave herself a mental shake. She couldn't let her thoughts glide off in that direction - she had enough on her plate already. Tuvok would want a decision on Harry's sentence soon.

Could she really space him out an airlock? She had done that to so many people, mostly as a result of that famous - no, infamous - temper. It was the way of Starcorps, the way she had been trained to punish. But did that make it right? She stared out at the unfamiliar stars; unfamiliar, but becoming more familiar every day. Things were different in the Delta Quadrant. She had changed out here, she knew that. No, her temper hadn't improved much, but distance had meant that she could stand up against what she had always believed was wrong with the Corps. For so many years she had resisted the idea of Consort, and the Captain's Privilege, but she had given in. Now, she resisted the traditional punishment for mutiny and murder - space.

But it had been Kim, she thought. His phaser, his DNA traces, his admission of guilt. How dare he do that to her - after all the trouble she had taken to look after him, to rescue him back at DS9 in the first place. He wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. Of all the ungrateful little beasts! He had betrayed her �" betrayed the trust she had placed in him as a friend, betrayed his duty to her as a Starcorps Ensign. And she wanted to see him pay!

Her hand came down on to her desk, hard. It throbbed in pain. Her damned temper! Kathryn took a deep breath, and tried to clear her head. She had been right, earlier - he wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. It couldn't be pleasant for a young man to be stuck out here. It certainly wouldn't do much for his career. And maybe that had something to do with it - he wouldn't be here, if it weren't for her. Maybe the young man wanted to see her pay, as much as, for those few minutes, she had sought for revenge on him.

But what could she do? As Tuvok said, intent was irrelevant in cases of mutiny, treason and murder. The proof was there. And the accepted punishment was death. She would have to order the death of one of her closest friends.

And yet, she was the Captain. They were thousands of light years from Earth, and who knew if they would ever get home. There would be enough time to think up an explanation, if one was needed. But then, the Corps was never all that much on explanations �" shoot first, ask questions later. But even the Corps wouldn't have anything to say about this until years later. Maybe she could afford to show some mercy.

 

**Act II scene vi**

The door chime sounded, startling Chakotay from an uncomfortable reverie. He had been thinking about Harry, and was more than grateful to be interrupted.

'Come in,' he said, and was surprised to see B'Elanna and Tom on the other side of the door. B'Elanna wasn't exactly his closest friend anymore, and he and Tom, well, the number of times he'd threatened to throw Tom in the Brig was legendary.

He didn't want to waste time in small-talk. 'So, Torres, Paris, what can I do for you?'

'Talk to Janeway for us,' said B'Elanna. She wasn't wasting any time, either.

He snorted in reply. 'Why? I thought you two were her closest friends around here. Well, you two, and Ensign Kim.'

'That's why �" it's about Kim.'

'Is this going to take a long time, Torres?' he asked. 'If it is, you may as well sit yourselves down.' When she sat down, pulling Paris with her, Chakotay swallowed a groan with great difficulty. This wasn't the conversation he wanted to be having. 'Okay, talk.'

'Janeway's going to space Kim for the murder attempt.'

'You know that for certain?'

'No,' said Tom, 'but Tuvok is gunning for him, and the Captain values his opinion.'

'What's this got to do with me?'

'You can convince her not to.'

'Me? Why should I be able to convince Janeway of anything?'

'You're her consort. That's got to give you some sway over her opinions.'

'So �" what is it that you want me to do?'

B'Elanna was getting impatient. 'Convince her not to kill Harry!'

Chakotay faced the two of them. 'Now why on earth would I want to do that?' His tone left Tom and B'Elanna in no doubt of his contempt for the idea. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Chakotay continued, 'The way I see it, he's guilty of mutiny, treason, and everything that Tuvok says he's guilty of. He deserves what he gets.' For getting caught, he thought to himself.

B'Elanna was steaming. Chakotay could see her Klingon temper rising and almost felt like ducking.

'You're willing to see him die? You total bastard!' Her eyes narrowed. 'You're the one who gave the order, aren't you?'

'What?' Paris and Chakotay spoke at the same time. Inwardly, Chakotay groaned �" Paris' surprise was, not surprisingly, far more convincing than his own. Chakotay fell silent, but Tom continued speaking. 'What the hell are you talking about, B'el?'

'I'm right, aren't I?' replied B'Elanna, speaking directly to Chakotay.

How could he respond? There was so much to lose �" his place as consort, his commission, his life. He couldn't admit it to anyone, least of all B'Elanna and Tom, Kathryn's closest friends. He drew himself up into his best official attitude, and stared B'Elanna down. 'You're bordering on mutiny, Lieutenant. Do you want to join your friend Kim in an open-ended airlock?' Tom tugged on B'Elanna's arm, and she didn't answer, though she growled. 'I wouldn't advise continuing on this line of argument, Torres. You may just find yourself in an uncomfortable position.'

Tom stood up, and spoke to Torres. 'B'el, let's go, okay? Commander, we're sorry we took up your time.' He practically dragged B'Elanna out the door. When they were gone, Chakotay put a lock code on his door, and slumped gratefully in his chair. He hadn't lost it �" and thank goodness for Tom's timidity and cowardice. He'd gotten B'Elanna out before she had a chance to pursue her suspicions. How the hell had she found out, anyway? She hadn't known it all, but Kim must have told her something! How else would she have known that Kim had acted under orders? Kathryn had told him that Kim had insisted that he had acted on his own, and when she had told him that, Chakotay had been impressed by Kim's loyalty. But he just hadn't been able to keep his mouth shut, had he? He couldn't wait to see the little idiot in that airlock.

With Kim out of the way, and B'Elanna's curiosity squashed, he could live very comfortably. Sleeping with Kathryn in his arms, sitting beside her by day. Life would be almost heavenly. Second in command of the Corps' newest Warship �" he knew he was lucky. Although, for so long, he had hated it; resented Kathryn, Paris, Kim, McBride, and all the Starcorps personnel, he now felt almost at home on Voyager �" comfortable in his quarters, and in his role. When he was feeling mellow, he could believe that he could actually be happy here, even if it was for the rest of his life. He could almost be satisfied.

Suddenly he felt restless, and he went out to wander the corridors of the ship. If Kathryn wanted him, his communicator was working properly, so he could ramble around until he was tired of it. Eventually he found himself in front of sickbay, and he went in to check on McBride. In some way, he had to admit that he felt at fault for her injuries. How could anyone be expected to tell between those new personal cloaks and the real thing was beyond him. So, as far as McBride was concerned, he couldn't really blame Kim, he could only blame himself.

When he went into sickbay, Caitlyn was still lying on the main biobed. She stirred when he walked in. 'Commander?'

'How are you, McBride?'

'Better, thanks, Commander.' She still was extremely pale.

'Activate EMH,' he said into the air. 'I'll just check with it, alright, McBride?'

'Fine, sir,' she said tiredly, closing her eyes.

'Please state the nature of the medical emergency.'

'What is Lieutenant McBride's condition?'

'The Lieutenant is not yet recovered to the extent that she can resume duty. In 24 hours, however, she will be released to quarters, for a further 48 hours rest. She can then return to duty.'

'Computer, deactivate EMH.' The program blinked out, and Chakotay turned back to McBride. 'Well, the prognosis sounds good, Lieutenant. It's nice to know.'

'Thank you, sir.' He turned to leave, but her voice stopped him. 'Sir? Where's Harry?'

He took a deep breath as he turned around. 'He can't come to see you right now. Has the Captain talked to you yet?' She shook her head. 'I'll let her know that you are awake and want to see her, alright.' She nodded, and he patted her shoulder gently as he left.

Out in the corridor, he slapped at his communicator. 'Chakotay to Captain Janeway.'

'Yes, Commander'

'McBride is awake, and is curious as to Ensign Kim's whereabouts. I told her you would speak to her soon.'

'Thank you, Commander.'

Was he imagining things, or was there an icy tinge to her voice? Had she found out �" had Torres told her? No �" if Janeway had known, Tuvok would have had him down in the brig next to Kim by now. Was this what his life would be like from now on? Instead of contentment, worrying every time Kathryn was cross, feeling guilty every time he saw McBride, staying out of Tuvok's notice as much as a first officer could?

As he walked away from sickbay, he met Kathryn coming towards him.

'On your way to see McBride?'

'Yes, actually. I need to talk to her �" try to explain things to her.' She looked away from him briefly. 'Does she know about Harry?'

'No �" you said that you wanted to tell her that.'

'I did, didn't I? I wonder why?' She smiled wryly. 'I'm desperate to forgive him, Chakotay �" but what can I do? My hands are tied by the damned Corps. One of my closest friends �" my protege �" and I have to give the order for him to be executed. How am I supposed to do that?' She looked up into his face, and he saw the tears in her eyes.

'I don't know, Kathryn. I've never been in that situation.'

A strange expression crossed her face, as though she were puzzled. He reached out a hand and touched her arm. 'If you want to talk…'

She nodded, and pulled away. 'I have to go and talk to Caitlyn. I'll…see you later, Chakotay.' She turned the corner, and he headed back to his quarters.

She had been surprised by his gentleness �" and so had he. Over the last few days he had realised just how much he cared for her, underneath the absolute lust that had driven him in the beginning. But the tears in her eyes made him think. Those tears were for Kim, and just as he felt responsible for the hurt he had caused McBride, he now felt responsible for hurting Kathryn. He had so much on his conscience, he didn't know how to deal with it.

When he reached his quarters, he stood at the viewport, staring out at the stars. If he let Kim be executed, Kathryn would be devastated; McBride, and Paris, and Torres would be hurt just as much. Kathryn was desperate to forgive Kim �" she had said so herself. Would she be so lenient with him? Could he admit his part in the plot, and not be spaced himself? And yet, he deserved to be spaced. He had wanted to kill Kathryn, and he had almost killed McBride, via Kim. He was as guilty as Tuvok believed Kim to be. And he had to face his punishment �" whatever it would be.

 

**Act II scene vii**

Tom checked both his and B'Elanna's messages when he got up, and found the one he had hoped would not be there �" announcing the time of Harry's sentencing. Tom ordered up two Raktajinos from the replicator, and then read the message. He took the coffees back into the bedroom, where B'Elanna was still lying under the covers.

'Wake up, B'El.'

'I'm awake. I don't want to be, but I'm awake.' She pushed herself up to a sitting position, and reached out for the Raktajino, her eyes still half closed. Tom settled back down against the pillows, and sipped at his own coffee.

After a few minutes, B'Elanna seemed more awake. He knew she really was awake when she turned and asked about the messages.

'There was only one important one, really,' he told her. 'The rest were just department memos �" don't worry, nothing from Engineering.'

'What was the important one? Harry?' Suddenly, she was wide awake. 'When?'

'Briefing room �" oh-nine-hundred. All senior staff to be present.'

'As if we wouldn't be. Poor Harry. Damn Chakotay!' Her cup almost went flying.

'Hey, easy, B'El. I don't need to be soaked in coffee!'

'I know �" sorry.'

'We need to get up soon.'

'I just don't want this day to happen,' said B'Elanna, as she threw back the covers and got up.

By 0855 they were all there �" all except for the Captain and Harry. There was an old earth expression Tom was trying to think of �" cut the tension with a knife, that was it. He and B'Elanna were on one side of the table, facing down Tuvok on the other. Chakotay was sitting next to Tuvok, but neither Tom nor B'Elanna could meet his eye �" he was keeping his eyes fixed on the surface of the table. Yet the tension was palpable. No one spoke; for once, Tom didn't whisper comments to B'Elanna as he thought of them. Right now, he was thinking of Harry more than of witty observations.

Harry came in, flanked by security officers, and sat at the foot of the table. B'Elanna reached a hand over to him. He squeezed it briefly and then let go. Tom sent an encouraging smile at his friend, but Harry remained stony-faced. Harry's eyes acknowledged Tom, though, which made him feel better.

Then the Captain walked in. Everyone stood up, and she took her place at the head of the table, opposite Harry. Tom looked carefully at her face �" there were bags under her eyes, and he would swear that she had hardly slept. Somewhere, he was pleased by that. At least if she were going to order Harry's execution, she wasn't going to enjoy it.

'This is not typical within Starcorps protocol,' began the Captain, 'but I am going to ask Ensign Kim if he has anything to say before I pass sentence.'

'No, Captain,' replied Harry. 'You have heard me before this �" you do not need to hear me again.'

'Does anyone else wish to speak?'

'With all due respect, Captain, I fail to see what relevance this discussion has to proceedings.' Tuvok, calm as always, thought Tom, resentfully.

'It has relevance, Commander, because I say it does.'

Then B'Elanna spoke up. 'I think you know my view on this, Captain. I don't think Harry deserves the sort of punishment that the Starcorps dictates in this situation. Surely there is something more appropriate. And besides,' she added, 'I still don't think it was his own idea.'

'You're right,' said Chakotay, shakily. 'It was my idea.'

The Captain turned to her first officer. 'Chakotay?'

'Yes, Captain. I ordered Kim to assassinate you. I was trying to rescind that order when the news came of your death �" or rather, McBride's injury.'

Tom was stunned. B'El had been right, Chakotay had been involved. And what would the Captain do now?

Tuvok had risen, and was signalling to one of the security officers. 'No,' said the Captain. 'Stay where you are.' She stood up and walked to the other end of the room. 'Stand up, Ensign,' she said to Harry. He stood, not meeting her eyes. 'Why didn't you tell me? I gave you a chance to clear your name, and you wouldn't. Why not?' Her voice had dropped almost to a whisper �" a bad sign, as Tom knew from experience.

'I was worried, for Caitlyn, and for myself,' Harry answered.

'Did the Commander threaten Lieutenant McBride?'

'No, sir, not directly. But a threat was implied.'

'I never even thought of hurting McBride!' Chakotay burst out.

The Captain turned on him. 'But you ordered Ensign Kim to kill me! And because of that order, Lieutenant McBride is in sickbay. You stood by while Commander Tuvok charged Ensign Kim, put him in the brig, and urged me to sentence him to death. You let me make you my consort, while you were letting me think about executing my friend.' She was no longer whispering, but yelling. Tom saw her clenched fists, and shrank back into his seat. He didn't want to attract the Captain's notice when she was in this sort of mood. If she hadn't been on the other side of the room, she would have hit Chakotay, Tom was certain. Kim, standing next to her, was flinching at the sound of the Captain's voice, and the Captain finally noticed. 'Harry,' she said, her voice gentle once again, 'I think that I understand. My stay on Auter didn't help anyone �" I know that now. I had decided not to have you executed even before I came in…' at that, there were three sighs of relief, 'and I'm going to send you down to sickbay to be with Caitlyn, now. You've been through enough. But you had damn well never lie to me again. Do you understand?'

'Aye, Captain.'

'Good. Now, go and talk to Caitlyn. She's been missing you.' Harry left the room, and the Captain turned back to Chakotay. 'I don't like secrets, Commander. I don't like betrayal, and I sure as hell don't like hypocrisy. And you're guilty of all three. If I was following the Starcorps rule book, here, you would be dead within hours. If I let my temper loose, you would be dead where you stand, right now.' She stopped for a moment, letting the statement sink in. 'But I'm not following Corps tradition. I haven't followed Corps tradition since we've been out here, except for one lapse of intelligence over the issue of consort, and I'm not intending to start using traditional sanctions right now. In fact, I'm not going to have you charged.' Chakotay gaped �" Tuvok began to protest. But the Captain kept right on talking. 'Caitlyn was the only one physically hurt in this, and I'm assuming that she knows of your involvement. If she didn't before, she will, very soon. I'll see to that.

'There has been enough imprisonment and legal process in the past few days to last for quite a while, and I don't intend to add to it. Chakotay, I am granting you a pardon �" a Captain's prerogative from a long time ago, Tuvok. But I am going to have to decide on two things in the next few days �" whether I can ever trust you as my first officer again, and whether the post of consort will remain yours. Until I have made those decisions, you are off duty.'

'He is confined to quarters, I assume, Captain?' asked Tuvok.

'No, Commander. Simply off duty. Do you understand, Chakotay?'

'Aye, Captain.'

'Fine. You are all dismissed.'

Chakotay left the room hurriedly, Tuvok spoke to the security officers briefly before he, too, left. And B'Elanna and Tom hugged each other before they raced off to see Harry. But as they left the room, Tom looked back to see the Captain, once more sitting in her chair, staring, deep in thought, at the tabletop.

_~ End of Act II ~_

**Epilogue**

She wished that Starcorps technology wasn't quite so advanced. There was nothing on the table to stare at - it was too smooth, too perfect. She could look at it for hours and never find an imperfection. Unlike her life.

If she could stare at her life like she was staring at the table, there would have been chips, and cracks, and gouges, all along its surface. And right now, a great big hole, just like the one in her heart.

She had trusted him, though she ought to have known better. He was an ex-Khmer fighter, violent and perpetually angry, but he had wormed his way into her life, until his betrayal had mattered. And after the anger had ebbed away, while she sat at the table, all that was left was that hole.

She wanted to stay sitting at the table forever, but she knew she couldn't. No matter how many of her friends betrayed her, lied to her, and tried to kill her, there was a ship to run. She couldn't let even an assassination attempt stop this ship and its voyage home.

And so, she straightened her shoulders and walked out onto the bridge. To her relief, of her senior staff, only Tuvok was on duty. She wouldn't have to face Tom and B'Elanna, or Harry, yet. But, as she took her seat, gingerly, as though it wouldn't bear her weight, Tuvok came out from behind his station.

'Captain?'

'Is this necessary, Tuvok? I'd rather not talk…'

'Lieutenant McBride has a request, Captain.'

'Yes?' At Caitlyn's name, Kathryn began to take a little interest.

'She would like you to visit her. At your earliest convenience.'

'Thank you, Commander.' Kathryn activated her console and requested a scan of sickbay. Harry, Tom and B'Elanna were still there with Caitlyn. It wasn't the time now to see what she wanted. But knowing that she would have to talk to Caitlyn, and to the others, soon, managed to prick her into action of some sort, at least. She pulled up the latest reports on her console, and for the first time since returning from Auter, began to really do some work.

~*~

Chakotay was in his quarters. When he had got there, having rushed from the conference room, he found himself shaking. He had fought with the Khmer against the Starcorps for years; ordered the deaths of hundreds of people without a qualm. But admitting his guilt to Kathryn Janeway had him shaking, and unable to think straight. It didn't matter that she hadn't confined him to quarters. At this point, he didn't have the energy to leave, nor the wish to walk out the door. For one thing, if he ran into B'Elanna, she'd carry out the sort of sentence that Janeway hadn't imposed. And he didn't want to run into Harry or Caitlyn either. So, it was safer to stay inside, curled up, still trying to stop shaking.

There was no point in sitting and thinking. He'd done all his thinking a long time ago, when he'd made his decision. Now, it was in Kathryn's hands.

~*~

Finally, when Kathryn looked at the Sickbay status, she saw that Harry, Tom and B'Elanna had left. She handed command over to Tuvok, and left the bridge, heading straight for Sickbay. She had no idea what Caitlyn wanted to speak about, but her mood was lighter than it had been for a long time. She felt that she had achieved something during the past few hours, and, as a result, could face almost anything again.

'Caitlyn? You wanted to see me?' Kathryn asked as she came into Sickbay. Caitlyn was sitting up, the biobed adjusted to make her comfortable. She looked far better than the last time Kathryn had seen her.

'Thank you for coming, Captain.' Caitlyn smiled. 'And thank you for…what you did for Harry. It wasn't his fault, you know.'

Kathryn grabbed a stool and sat down next to Caitlyn. 'I know that, Caitlyn.'

'It was my fault,' continued Caitlyn.

'Your fault? Kit, how can you say that? It was Chakotay who was behind this whole thing.'

'That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Commander Chakotay.'

Kathryn raised her eyebrows. 'Go on.'

'When the Commander ordered Kim to kill you, Kim told me about it. I couldn't work out why he would do such a thing. Then Harry said something. I figured you deserved to hear it.'

'What was it, Caitlyn?'

'Harry said that the Commander felt that if he couldn't have you, no one should be able to.'

Kathryn sat in silence for a moment. 'You speak as though I were someone's property.'

'I don't mean that, Captain. I'd never mean that.'

'Would Chakotay?'

'Captain?'

'Kit, I have to decide whether I let Chakotay remain as my first officer, and as my consort. I don't know how to make that decision.'

'So, you were asking whether Chakotay would consider you to be property? I don't think he would. He's angry as hell - there's a lot of violence in him. But he respects you.' Caitlyn paused. 'I think he loves you.'

'I think I could love him,' Kathryn replied, 'If I let myself.'

'Even now?'

'Even now.'

'Do you trust him?'

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands. 'That's the weird part. I think I trust him more now than I did before.'

'It's not that strange, you know. He actually admitted something to you. He risked his life in order to tell the truth. He's probably never done that before.'

Kathryn looked back at Caitlyn. 'You are very wise, Caitlyn.'

'Just wait, I have one more question. Can you tell him?'

'Sorry?'

'Well, you love him, you even trust him, but can you tell him that - face to face?'

'I'm not sure I can even look at him at the moment. When I see him, all I can think is how close I came to executing Harry.'

'If you can't tell him, Kathryn, I'm not sure it's worth having those feelings.'

Kathryn was silent again. Then she smiled and shook her head. 'But I don't actually have to tell him, do I? Or not yet, anyway.'

Caitlyn narrowed her eyes. 'You'll keep him as your consort without telling him that he actually means more to you than that? Interesting concept.'

'It gives me some time, if I need it.'

'Good luck.'

'Thank you, Caitlyn, you are a wonderful friend. You look after yourself. I'll come and visit again soon.'

'Goodbye, Kath.' Caitlyn closed her eyes, obviously tired. Kathryn slipped quietly out the door.

It would be the easy way out to do what she had told Caitlyn - to simply not tell him. But the easy way out wasn't how Kathryn liked to do anything. She had to admit it to him, and deal with whatever consequences arose, including the problems of opening her heart to a man that she wasn't totally confident she could trust.

She found herself, without really meaning to be there, standing in front of Chakotay's quarters. Perhaps sooner would be better than later. She rang the doorchime, the door opened. She walked into Chakotay's darkened quarters.

'Computer,' her first officer's voice came from somewhere by the viewports, 'increase illumination.' The light increased, and she could see him on the sofa.

'Thank you. It's good to be able to see you.' Chakotay said nothing. 'May I sit down?'

'Suit yourself, Captain.'

'All right, I will.' She sat down on the sofa next to him. 'I've made my decision, Chakotay. About your position.'

'Which one?'

'Both.'

'And?'

'You are a good first officer, Chakotay. For most of this voyage you have given good advice, and you have made me think about my decisions before I've gone ahead with them. I don't want to do without that. And,' she paused, 'I don't want to have to do without you.' There. She'd said it.

'What do you mean?'

Damn. Now she was going to have to explain herself. 'I want you to be my consort. Really, not just in an official capacity. There's something between us. Attraction, at the very least. You know it, I know it, and I'm willing to admit it.'

'Do you mean this, Kathryn?'

'Yes,' she said quietly. 'I mean it.'

He leant over and kissed her - cautiously, gently. Sweetly. And she was the one who went further; who took the kiss from innocence where it started, to something more passionate. And from there, they went on together - for one moment in time, equal.


End file.
